Minggu, 20 Februari 2011

Take Action to Achieve Success

As I was going through a new training course, that is helping me to develop a new career, there it was staring me right in the face - Take Action!

Few people REALLY understand how important this concept is to success.

We all know the old saying, "Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda," when we see an opportunity slip away. I know I've said, "I THOUGHT OF THAT YEARS AGO!" about some new gadget I came across. I didn't take action. I let small problems be excuses for not moving forward with the things I truly want.

Well, I finally decided enough is enough! I want a new lifestyle revolving around the goals that I want and not what someone else thinks I should want.

Everything doesn't have to be perfect the first time. I've definitely fallen into that old trap! Heck, most people don't even notice. Just do something! You can fix the mistakes later. Welearn from our mistakes.

By allowing yourself to say, "I changed my mind" and "I was wrong", you will experience newfound freedom.

We are all creatures of habit and hate to be blown out of our comfort zones, but taking risks and just getting out there can move mountains.
"Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill's entire book revolves around one premise and that is to think. After thinking, take action and be persistent. 
Be positive in your thinking and stay away from negative influences. When you hear negative comments, just realize most people are envious and secretly wish they were as brave as you. 

Don't believe that success is hard. It is a process, so take it one step at a time. You can learn what you don't know.

I could go on and on about positive thinking. I'm sure you've heard it before. If you are looking to change your financial situation and your life, believe in yourself and take action! Don't let anymore wonderful opportunities pass you by!


Wishing you GREAT success,
READMORE - Take Action to Achieve Success

Success Formula

Success makes you more self-confident. Besides success gives birth to another victory. Even the smallest piece of luck can be a step to a great one. To reach your own peak of success, you are to climb the following steps: Dare to try and dare to win. If you come across something unknown, you are sure to feel doubtful. Overcome your hesitations and be in the mood of victory. Surely you are to make concessions, you will not avoid mistakes. But it will serve you as a good practice. You'll learn from your mistakes and next time you will act differently.

Turn anxiety into self-confidence. Stop worrying what others think of you. Turn anxiety into self-confidence. Think more of other people. Each person is unique and special. Try appeal to his/her interest. If you manage to win his trust, you will be more confident and worry will disappear. Try to relax. Look for best inpeople. Talk about things interesting for your company. Sharethe attention. If you active and attract a lot of attention – share it. You should give something to the people around you, not just enjoy your own popularity. Think more of others. A self-confident person should be compassionate, show interest to other people and be able to get on with people. The most difficult is to turn satisfaction of other people's needs into the means of achieving your aim.

Believe in yourself and value yourself. Learn to listen. This is the key to developing "successful "personality in you. It will help you to set a more close connection with your partner. Overcome constraint and speak freely. Talk to the point – the thought adds lustre to the conversation. Act. You can't sit and wait till thegolden rain falls on you. Don't rest on the laurels, but enjoy your position. Accept praise and kind words with pleasure. Don't criticize, praise. Someone has attained success by hard work or he was just lucky – give due to them. Do not miss an opportunity to praise someone. People like it and it fills you with confidence. If someone has managed to do it, then you are also able to cope with it. You will have optimistic and successful atmosphere around you. And this is a substantial support. 



READMORE - Success Formula

To End or Not to End Your Relationship

Vanessa, 30 years old, is struggling with whether or not to end her six-year marriage. The answer is not at all clear to her.

Vanessa and Jon have a "good" marriage. They are kind and caring with each other. They enjoy many of the same things. So why is Vanessa in such turmoil over whether to stay or leave?

The problem is that Vanessa is very lonely with Jon. They are good friends, but they are not emotionally intimate. Jon has no desire to share any of his feelings with Vanessa, nor does he have any desire to understand Vanessa's feelings. He is content to keep everything on the surface, while Vanessa wants a deeper emotional connection.

Since they have many good things in their marriage, Vanessa has decided to try marriage counseling, and Jon has agreed. Counseling or not, there is only one thing that can save this marriage – Jon and Vanessa shifting out of their intent to protect against pain and into an intent to learn about what is loving to themselves and each other.

Jon's intent has always been to protect against pain rather than to learn about being loving to himself and others. He has done this by numbing out his feeling with marijuana and work. Jon's choice to continue to protect against pain or to begin to open to learning from his feelings will determine the outcome of the counseling.

Vanessa, too, has operated with the intent to protect against pain. She has ignored her own feelings and been a "good" wife, submerging her own needs to comply with what Jon wanted. But at some point, she shifted her intent to learning about what is loving to herself, and now she realizes she cannot continue in an emotionally disconnected marriage.

The issues in your relationship may be about emotional distance, lack of passion, sexual problems, constant fighting, emotional abuse, (if there is physical abuse, then you must find a way to leave), or being used financially. There may be control and resistance occurring around many different issues. Yet the underlying issue is a lack of open and caring communication. And open communication only occurs when both people have a deep intention to learn about their feelings, fears, limiting beliefs, and resulting unloving behavior. If one or both people in a relationship are closed to learning about themselves and each other, the relationship will not heal.

If you are thinking about leaving your relationship, first think about your own intent. Are you open to learning about your feelings, beliefs and behavior? Or, are you devoted to protecting against pain with anger, withdrawal, resistance or caretaking? Are you avoiding your feelings with substances and activities, or are you opening to learning from your feelings and exploring yourself with a process such as the Inner Bonding process that we teach? The first thing you need to do is deal with your own intent.

Once you are open to learning for a number of months, and really doing your inner work, then re-evaluate your relationship. Has anything changed? Is your partner more or less open to you? Are you talking more and fighting or withdrawing less?

If things are not getting better or are getting worse, then it is time to ask your partner if he or she is willing to do some healing work with you – through counseling, workshops, and reading books together. If your partner refuses to embark on a learning journey with you, then it is clear that this relationship will not change. At this point, you need to either fully accept it as it is or leave it. It will not become the relationship you want it to be unless both of you are open to learning.

If one or both partners remain in the intent to protect, the relationship will not heal. Yet most relationships can be healed when both people are deeply devoted to learning about loving themselves and each other. 
READMORE - To End or Not to End Your Relationship

Genius or Gifted?

Every person has particular abilities or skills that make them different from the others. There are no similar genetic codes, so there are no completely alike people. Some of the abilities are placed in a genetic code and are to be developed during alifetime. About our hidden abilities and talents we get to know in kinder garden or in elementary school. This is a regular way to discover yourself and your calling, but sometimes a person may find out that he or she is gifted in arts only being a teenager or even later.

This is not an anomalous case and there is nothing that can't prevent a person from developing necessary skills. After hard work one may be involved in dissertation writing, be recognized among colleagues and continue to develop, but the question is: is it a talent that has to be developed or it is your genius that made you famous? To distinguish between the terms "talented" or "gifted" and "genius", here are some simple statements about people of both types. A talented person seeks talent and develops it slowly but surely. A genius is born with an aim to work and discover in only one field and develops necessary skills very fast, absorbing knowledge like sponge absorbs water. A talented person can possess a lot of skills and have doubts on what to concentrate. A genius never has doubts about what he is destined to do in this world and does everything to move closer to a great discovery that is obligatory going to happen sooner or later. A talented person is remembered within the field of work and activity. A genius is recognized all over the world and after his or her death is honored by memorials and monuments. A talented person will use any help offered starting from solving problems and ending with dissertation help.


A genius never uses help from the outside, coming up with necessary data only from the books, articles or any other materials. Talented people live normal lives combining success with happy family life and entertainment. A genius forgets about all pleasures of living dedicating all his or her life to the calling. Usually geniuses are called psychologically disturbed, or just weird, they don't have much friend if have at all. All they think about is the aim he or she was born for. The field of work and activity is never first priority to a talented person, for a genius nothing else exists. This can be considered a full description of both kinds of people. What is it better to be: a genius or just a common talented guy? It is simple; destiny decides what you are to become in the future. Everyone long for happiness and that is something you can not touch, take or sense, therefore there are thousands of definitions. Someone may be happy receiving an eternal glory but being lonely till the rest of days, or have a family and fair business and never thing a word about world fame. Past is dark, future is mysteriously unknown, so let's leave in the present and create the future. 
READMORE - Genius or Gifted?

Desire, Fuel for success: How to Keep it Alive and Burning Strong

What is it that makes one man go where others don't dare tread? And that keeps him going even when the odds seem so insurmountable? When others around him expect the worst, and obstacle upon obstacle, cause him to wonder if perhaps, just perhaps, everybody might be right and he may be crazy?

That my friend is what is called DESIRE! Desire is one of the strongest emotions, and one of the greatest forces man has ever known. When harnessed properly it will give you everything you have ever wanted! Desire is the Fuel for success.

Just as a car or any other automobile needs fuel to keep going, a man's desire is what drives him and will ultimately determine if he will hold that prize at the end of the race. The thing that determines why the one person Does and the other Doesn't is not physical ability or the lack thereof, but desire and or the absence thereof.

It is said where there is a will there is a way, but what isn't said is that the will doesn't exist by itself and of itself. It is fuelled by desire. If you have lost your desire for whatever it is you want, you have Lost the Race.

Desire doesn't reason or justify. All it wants is satisfaction. It is not concerned with how you bring it about.

Desire, like most things is not something you are born with. It is a force and power which can be induced through the senses such as sight, hearing and smell. Let me give you an example.

When you see a beautiful woman or man, it does something to you. It triggers a power or force that will either die a natural death, or will become a raging fire.

That depends on what you do with it from that point onwards. Now, I used the example of being attracted to either a man or a woman, but desire is not limited to that. You can desire a big house, a car or desire to travel the world. However this will not mean much, until you crystallize this desire into something tangible, something you can see, hear, smell or touch.

So, to induce desire for whatever it is you want, you have to introduce the object of your desire, to your senses. The more you see something, the stronger your desire for that thing will become.

Lets take the example of a beautiful woman or man again. If he or she has made enough of an impression on you, you would want to see that person again, right? But if you leave it to chance you may or may not see him or her again. In the event you don't, the feelings will likely die a natural death. 

But lets say, you see that person again and again, what do you think will happen? That's right! The feelings you have will become stronger.

So what you need to do is to introduce the object of your desire to your senses, not once or twice but again and again and again.


If you can, physically touch and smell and experience the object of your desire. If you desire wealth, go to the places that are symbols of wealth and get the feeling of wealth.

This can be places like expensive restaurants or five-star hotels. If you can afford it, book a room or a suite, even if it's just for one night.

If you don't have a lot of cash just go there and book a table. Order a cup of coffee or something else which isn't too expensive. I'm sure you get the picture. Do this over and over and you'll find that your Desire gets stronger and stronger.

You can apply this to anything and you will find that your desire burns stronger than ever.

If you know someone who is wealthy, approach the person and offer to assist with anything, free of charge. Most people will appreciate this gesture. Some might even take you along to places they go and may even introduce you to their circle of friends.

Alternatively go to a Dealership that sells expensive cars and just sit in one of the cars in the show room. Experience the feeling of wealth. Touch the expensive leather and wood, smell it. You can do this as often as you like. The more you do it the higher your desire will be. Do all this in addition to your other efforts to accomplish your goal.

If you cannot physically go to the places I've mentioned, you can get these places and objects to come to you. Looking at pictures is another good way to increase your desire and it doesn't cost you anything, other than a little effort.

You see, your subconscious mind doesn't know the difference between a real and imagined experience. It will accept whatever is imprinted upon it, and will start attracting that condition in terms of the people and circumstances that you need to satisfy Your Desire!

There are thousands of magazines that have pictures of the object you desire. Here's what I have done and what you can do too.

Cut out some pictures that vividly depict the thing you want and paste it all over your room or office. Position some of the pictures in such a way that it is the first thing you see when you wake up or come into that room, and the last thing you see when you leave or fall asleep.

Here is a final thought. Desire alone will not accomplish your your goals for you, it is just the Fuel. Imagine a car with fuel but no engine. Or a car that has fuel and an engine but no wheels. It won't go anywhere. The same goes for someone who only has desire.

This by the way describes about 90% of all the people in the world, who only desire things but are not prepared to do what it takes to get what they want. 
READMORE - Desire, Fuel for success: How to Keep it Alive and Burning Strong

Change Your Thinking. Change Your Life.

Have you ever given up on a dream because you've listened to that 'little voice' in your head that tells you that you 'can't do it' or 'what's the point?' That inner voice is the critic inside of everyone that causes many bright futures to come to a screaming halt. Just like the mommy who freaks out when little Johnny runs with a stick, your inner 'mom' worries and frets over new challenges that arise, very often creating enough doubt to make you believe you can't do it, whatever it may be. 

There are times when listening to your 'gut' comes in handy, but for the most part, what is perceived as a gut reaction is simply fear of failure or rejection before the event even takes place. How can you squelch your inner critic so that you can move on and build the business that you dream of? 

According to Jennie England's article 'Make Friends With Your Inner Critic' from the direct sales resource 'Build It Big', there are steps you can take to transform your critic. First, listen to your inner voice and make a list of what you hear, elaborating on how you feel about each. Ms.England says that you should choose a response to what your critic tells you, and make a choice to ignore the negative. Remember to reaffirm your best qualities daily and you will 'reprogram' yourself to take your critic's suggestions as positive messages rather than constant negatives. (Build It Big. http://mydswa.org) 

There is a concept that is finding a huge following with work at home moms or women who simply desire to create a positive life of abundance. Although this idea is in no way new, the Law of Attraction is changing the lives of people in amazing ways. Whether you're a religious person or not, the basics are simple, you attract what you think. This theory too is another direction to follow for achieving your dreams and not allowing negativity to lead your life. 

Choosing to challenge your 'little voices' and change your negative thinking will have an impact on every aspect of your life, creating positive habits that even your worst inner critic can't bring down. 
READMORE - Change Your Thinking. Change Your Life.

The Egoistic Friend

What are friends for and how can a friendship be tested? By behaving altruistically, would be the most common answer and by sacrificing one's interests in favour of one's friends. Friendship implies the converse of egoism, both psychologically and ethically. But then we say that the dog is "man's best friend". After all, it is characterized by unconditional love, by unselfish behaviour, by sacrifice, when necessary. Isn't this the epitomeof friendship? Apparently not. On the one hand, the dog's friendship seems to be unaffected by long term calculations of personal benefit. But that is not to say that it is not affected by calculations of a short-term nature. The owner, after all, looks after the dog and is the source of its subsistence and security. People - and dogs - have been known to have sacrificed their lives for less. The dog is selfish - it clings and protects what it regards to be its territory and its property (including - and especially so - the owner). Thus, the first condition, seemingly not satisfied by canine attachment is that it be reasonably unselfish.

There are, however, more important conditions:

1.. For a real friendship to exist - at least one of the friends must be a conscious and intelligent entity, possessed of mentalstates. It can be an individual, or a collective of individuals, but in both cases this requirement will similarly apply. 
2.. There must be a minimal level of identical mental states between the terms of the equation of friendship. A human being cannot be friends with a tree (at least not in the fullest sense of the word). 
3.. The behaviour must not be deterministic, lest it be interpreted as instinct driven. A conscious choice must be involved. This is a very surprising conclusion: the more "reliable", the more "predictable" - the less appreciated. Someone who reacts identically to similar situations, without dedicating a first, let alone a second thought to it - his acts would be depreciated as "automatic responses". 
For a pattern of behaviour to be described as "friendship", these four conditions must be met: diminished egoism, conscious and intelligent agents, identical mental states (allowing for the communication of the friendship) and non-deterministic behaviour, the result of constant decision making.

A friendship can be - and often is - tested in view of these criteria. There is a paradox underlying the very notion of testing a friendship. A real friend would never test his friend's commitment and allegiance. Anyone who puts his friend to a test (deliberately) would hardly qualify as a friend himself. But circumstances can put ALL the members of a friendship, all the individuals (two or more) in the "collective" to a test of friendship. Financial hardship encountered by someone would surely oblige his friends to assist him - even if he himself did not take the initiative and explicitly asked them to do so. It is life that tests the resilience and strength and depth of true friendships - not the friends themselves.

In all the discussions of egoism versus altruism - confusion between self-interest and self-welfare prevails. A person may be urged on to act by his self-interest, which might be detrimental to his (long-term) self-welfare. Some behaviours and actions can satisfy short-term desires, urges, wishes (in short: self-interest) - and yet be self- destructive or otherwise adversely effect the individual's future welfare. (Psychological) Egoism should, therefore, be re-defined as the active pursuit of self- welfare, not of self-interest. Only when the person caters, in a balanced manner, to both his present (self-interest) and his future (self-welfare) interests - can we call him an egoist. Otherwise, if he caters only to his immediate self-interest, seeks to fulfil his desires and disregards the future costs of his behaviour - he is an animal, not an egoist.

Joseph Butler separated the main (motivating) desire from the desire that is self- interest. The latter cannot exist without the former. A person is hungry and this is his desire. His self-interest is, therefore, to eat. But the hunger is directed at eating - not at fulfilling self-interests. Thus, hunger generates self-interest (to eat) but its object is eating. Self-interest is a second order desire that aims to satisfy first order desires (which can also motivate us directly).

This subtle distinction can be applied to disinterested behaviours, acts, which seem to lack a clear self-interest or even a first order desire. Consider why do people contribute to humanitarian causes? There is no self-interest here, even if we account for the global picture (with every possible future event in the life of the contributor). No rich American is likely to find himself starving in Somalia, the target of one such humanitarian aid mission.


But even here the Butler model can be validated. The first order desire of the donator is to avoid anxiety feelings generated by a cognitive dissonance. In the process of socialization we are all exposed to altruistic messages. They are internalized by us (some even to the extent of forming part of the almighty superego, the conscience). In parallel, we assimilate the punishment inflicted upon members of society who are not "social" enough, unwilling to contribute beyond that which is required to satisfy their self interest, selfish or egoistic, non-conformist, "too" individualistic, "too" idiosyncratic or eccentric, etc. Completely not being altruistic is "bad" and as such calls for "punishment". This no longer is an outside judgement, on a case by case basis, with the penalty inflicted by an external moral authority. This comes from the inside: the opprobrium and reproach, the guilt, the punishment (read Kafka). Such impending punishment generates anxiety whenever the person judges himself not to have been altruistically "sufficient". It is to avoid this anxiety or to quell it that a person engages in altruistic acts, the result of his social conditioning. To use the Butler scheme: the first-degree desire is to avoid the agonies of cognitive dissonance and the resulting anxiety. This can be achieved by committing acts of altruism. The second-degree desire is the self-interest to commit altruistic acts in order to satisfy the first-degree desire. No one engages in contributing to the poor because he wants them to be less poor or in famine relief because he does not want others to starve. People do these apparently selfless activities because they do not want to experience that tormenting inner voice and to suffer the acute anxiety, which accompanies it. Altruism is the name that we give to successful indoctrination. The stronger the process of socialization, the stricter the education, the more severely brought up the individual, the grimmer and more constraining his superego - the more of an altruist he is likely to be. Independent people who really feel comfortable with their selves are less likely to exhibit these behaviours.

This is the self-interest of society: altruism enhances the overall level of welfare. It redistributes resources more equitably, it tackles market failures more or less efficiently (progressive tax systems are altruistic), it reduces social pressures and stabilizes both individuals and society. Clearly, the self-interest of society is to make its members limit the pursuit of their own self-interest? There are many opinions and theories. They can be grouped into:

1.. Those who see an inverse relation between the two: the more satisfied the self interests of the individuals comprising a society - the worse off that society will end up. What is meant by "better off" is a different issue but at least the commonsense, intuitive, meaning is clear and begs no explanation. Many religions and strands of moral absolutism espouse this view.
2.. Those who believe that the more satisfied the self-interests of the individuals comprising a society - the better off this society will end up. These are the "hidden hand" theories. Individuals, which strive merely to maximize their utility, their happiness, their returns (profits) - find themselves inadvertently engaged in a colossalendeavour to better their society. This is mostly achieved through the dual mechanisms of market and price. Adam Smith is an example (and other schools of the dismal science).
3.. Those who believe that a delicate balance must exist between the two types of self-interest: the private and the public. While most individuals will be unable to obtain the full satisfaction of their self-interest - it is still conceivable that they will attain most of it. On the other hand, society must not fully tread on individuals' rights to self-fulfilment, wealth accumulation and the pursuit of happiness. So, it must accept less than maximum satisfaction of its self-interest. The optimal mix exists and is, probably, of the minimax type. This is not a zero sum game and society and the individuals comprising it can maximize their worst outcomes.
The French have a saying: "Good bookkeeping - makes for a good friendship". Self-interest, altruism and the interest of society at large are not necessarily incompatible. 
READMORE - The Egoistic Friend

Kamis, 17 Februari 2011

Steps to Building Your Self-Confidence

Accept yourself

The very first step in building self-confidence is to accept yourself in an unconditional way. You are human, therefore you are not perfect, so don't dwell on what you see as flaws. Everyone has qualities that someone else does not. This is what makes us want to go out and find partners who give us love, and make us feel wanted and complete. Those great feelings would not be possible if you were perfect. Accept yourself how you are. It will help to rid you of constant stress and worry over things that you cannot control.

Do what you want!

How long it has been since you last did something that you really liked, something that you enjoyed doing as a child? How long has it been since you went out for ice cream with a friend? These simple things have the power to build your self-confidence and add fulfillment to your life. Life can be very quite simple. It is easy to get caught u in the rat race of today's world, and lose yourself in the process. It is easy to forget your purpose, what you like and what you enjoy doing. It happens to people all of the time. It is your responsibility to yourself that you get back to those simple things in life. 

Find a group of friends

You've heard the saying, "birds of a feather flock together". It is important to find people with whom you enjoy spending time and doing things. You will find that life is a little bit easier when you are among the people who share your interests and your feelings. There is an understanding between you, as well as an open dialogue. Good conversation and friendship are healthy and important for our minds and souls. 

Set goals and just do it!

Take one step at a time. Those single steps will develop into a giant gait over time. Do not overwhelm yourself, but simply do the task at hand. But set achievable goals and go for them! Don't focus on the big picture, concentrate on the small steps. This is the only way to accomplish anything, and to avoid procrastination and depression. Even the smallest achievement will give you a sense of accomplishment that will boost your self-confidence. 
READMORE - Steps to Building Your Self-Confidence

What is your Recovery Rate?

What is your recovery rate? How long does it take you to recover from actions and behaviours that upset you? Minutes? Hours? Days? Weeks? How long? The longer it takes you to recover the more influence that incident has on your actions, the less able you are to perform to your personal best. In a nutshell the longer it takes you to recover the weaker you are and the poorer your performance.


Just ask yourself:


How many times have I got upset with my spouse or partner for something the children did hours ago?


How many times have I missed an opportunity because I was still focussed on an upset and all I could say was 'NO' to everything?


How many times have I driven my car erratically because I was still thinking of an incident that made me angry?


The point is: a poor recovery rate affects your health. A poor recovery rate affects your well being. A poor recovery rate stops you from living to your potential. 


You are well aware that you need to exercise to keep the body fit and, no doubt, accept that a reasonable measure of health is the speed in which your heart and respiratory system recovers after exercise. Likewise the faster you let go of an issue that upsets you, the faster you return to an equilibrium the healthier you will be. The best example of this behaviour is found with professional sportspeople. They know that the faster they can forget an incident or missed opportunity and get on with the game the better their performance. In fact, most measure the time it takes them to overcome and forget an incident in a game and most reckon a recovery rate of 30 seconds is too long! 


How long does it take you to recover, overcome and forget an incident at work or at home?


A method that I and many others use to help us reduce the recovery time is the method of the FULL STOP. 


Imagine yourself to be an actor in a play on the stage. Your aim is to play your part to the best of your ability. You have been given a script and at the end of each sentence is a full stop. Each time you get to the end of the sentence you start a new one and although the next sentence is related to the last it is not affected by it. Your job is to deliver each sentence to the best of your ability. Now think about your life. Imagine life is no more than a play, a drama and we each have a role to play in that drama. Your job is to play your part to the best of your ability and the better you play your part the more chance that you will inspire others around you to improve their performance. Each incident you face is a new sentence. Just put a full stop behind it and start again. Accept that every time you meet someone or have a conversation with a person on the telephone or even send an email it is a new incident. You have both moved on since you last met, so remembering the last occasion only keeps you in the past and stops you moving forward. Stops you seeing new opportunities. The next time you see the person that upset you, or you upset, is a new occasion there is nothing to be gained by continuing from where you left off. The incident has finished. You are both in a different place now. It is a new sentence so start again. 


My grandmother used to call it destiny. "Accept what has happened as part of your destiny and live with it", was a favourite phrase of hers. You cannot change what has happened. Sulking or Brooding will not help. Analysing will only give you a headache and keep it fresh in your mind. In the same way that you cannot enter the same river twice, you will never face the exact same incident again so why analyse that one? You can however notice whether you have a habit or thought pattern that clicks in in certain circumstances and stops you performing to your best. You can then look at the habit and decide how you can change it.


The secret to a better life is be like the sportsperson, ask yourself:


Did I recover quicker today than I did yesterday?


Did I recover quicker this time than the last occasion I faced a similar incident?


Did I allow myself to be average today?


Did I equal or improve on my personal best today?


Don't live your life in the past! Learn to live in the present, to overcome the past. Stop the past from influencing your daily life. Don't allow thoughts of the past to reduce your personal best. Stop the past from interfering with your life. Learn to recover quickly.


What we are suggesting is not an easy path. To work on your recovery rate and make changes in your thoughts, behaviour and attitudes requires a great deal of effort. However, the rewards are also great. It is important that you don't force yourself to work on your recovery rate because you think you ought to or must or because you feel it will 'make you a better person'. There's no benefit in that because you will not stick to the task. You will make a great deal of effort at the beginning but when you are not achieving the results you want you will stop or look for another technique. Only when you really feel you want to change . When you realise life is not working for you at the moment using the methods you are using will you put in the effort to change your behaviour to improve your recovery rate. You can only improve your recovery rate when you can see that there is great benefit for the self.


Once you decide you wish to improve your recovery rate, you will start to check and change your thoughts and behaviour and make effort to perform to your personal best. You can check your progress by measuring the speed in which you are able to apply a full stop. The time it takes you to let go. The time it takes before you are functioning at or near your personal best again.


Check yourself:


What was my recovery rate after the argument with my partner?

What was my recovery rate after I lost a sale?

What was my recovery rate after I received a ticket for speeding?

What was my recovery rate after I heard a friend was ill?

What was my recovery rate after I got frustrated with myself over………?


But remember; Rome wasn't built in a day. Reflect on your recovery rate each day. Every day before you go to bed, look at your progress. Don't lie in bed saying to yourself, 'I did that wrong'. 'I should have done better there'. No. Look at your day and note when you made an effort to place a full stop after an incident. This is a success. You are taking control of your life. Remember this is a step by step process. This is not a make-over. You are undertaking real change here.

Your aim: reduce the time spent in recovery.


The way forward?


Live in the present. Not in the precedent.



Graham and Julie

www.desktop-meditation.com 
READMORE - What is your Recovery Rate?
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