Steps to Building Your Self-Confidence

Accept yourself

The very first step in building self-confidence is to accept yourself in an unconditional way. You are human, therefore you are not perfect, so don't dwell on what you see as flaws. Everyone has qualities that someone else does not. This is what makes us want to go out and find partners who give us love, and make us feel wanted and complete. Those great feelings would not be possible if you were perfect. Accept yourself how you are. It will help to rid you of constant stress and worry over things that you cannot control.

Do what you want!

How long it has been since you last did something that you really liked, something that you enjoyed doing as a child? How long has it been since you went out for ice cream with a friend? These simple things have the power to build your self-confidence and add fulfillment to your life. Life can be very quite simple. It is easy to get caught u in the rat race of today's world, and lose yourself in the process. It is easy to forget your purpose, what you like and what you enjoy doing. It happens to people all of the time. It is your responsibility to yourself that you get back to those simple things in life. 

Find a group of friends

You've heard the saying, "birds of a feather flock together". It is important to find people with whom you enjoy spending time and doing things. You will find that life is a little bit easier when you are among the people who share your interests and your feelings. There is an understanding between you, as well as an open dialogue. Good conversation and friendship are healthy and important for our minds and souls. 

Set goals and just do it!

Take one step at a time. Those single steps will develop into a giant gait over time. Do not overwhelm yourself, but simply do the task at hand. But set achievable goals and go for them! Don't focus on the big picture, concentrate on the small steps. This is the only way to accomplish anything, and to avoid procrastination and depression. Even the smallest achievement will give you a sense of accomplishment that will boost your self-confidence. 

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What is your Recovery Rate?

What is your recovery rate? How long does it take you to recover from actions and behaviours that upset you? Minutes? Hours? Days? Weeks? How long? The longer it takes you to recover the more influence that incident has on your actions, the less able you are to perform to your personal best. In a nutshell the longer it takes you to recover the weaker you are and the poorer your performance.


Just ask yourself:


How many times have I got upset with my spouse or partner for something the children did hours ago?


How many times have I missed an opportunity because I was still focussed on an upset and all I could say was 'NO' to everything?


How many times have I driven my car erratically because I was still thinking of an incident that made me angry?


The point is: a poor recovery rate affects your health. A poor recovery rate affects your well being. A poor recovery rate stops you from living to your potential. 


You are well aware that you need to exercise to keep the body fit and, no doubt, accept that a reasonable measure of health is the speed in which your heart and respiratory system recovers after exercise. Likewise the faster you let go of an issue that upsets you, the faster you return to an equilibrium the healthier you will be. The best example of this behaviour is found with professional sportspeople. They know that the faster they can forget an incident or missed opportunity and get on with the game the better their performance. In fact, most measure the time it takes them to overcome and forget an incident in a game and most reckon a recovery rate of 30 seconds is too long! 


How long does it take you to recover, overcome and forget an incident at work or at home?


A method that I and many others use to help us reduce the recovery time is the method of the FULL STOP. 


Imagine yourself to be an actor in a play on the stage. Your aim is to play your part to the best of your ability. You have been given a script and at the end of each sentence is a full stop. Each time you get to the end of the sentence you start a new one and although the next sentence is related to the last it is not affected by it. Your job is to deliver each sentence to the best of your ability. Now think about your life. Imagine life is no more than a play, a drama and we each have a role to play in that drama. Your job is to play your part to the best of your ability and the better you play your part the more chance that you will inspire others around you to improve their performance. Each incident you face is a new sentence. Just put a full stop behind it and start again. Accept that every time you meet someone or have a conversation with a person on the telephone or even send an email it is a new incident. You have both moved on since you last met, so remembering the last occasion only keeps you in the past and stops you moving forward. Stops you seeing new opportunities. The next time you see the person that upset you, or you upset, is a new occasion there is nothing to be gained by continuing from where you left off. The incident has finished. You are both in a different place now. It is a new sentence so start again. 


My grandmother used to call it destiny. "Accept what has happened as part of your destiny and live with it", was a favourite phrase of hers. You cannot change what has happened. Sulking or Brooding will not help. Analysing will only give you a headache and keep it fresh in your mind. In the same way that you cannot enter the same river twice, you will never face the exact same incident again so why analyse that one? You can however notice whether you have a habit or thought pattern that clicks in in certain circumstances and stops you performing to your best. You can then look at the habit and decide how you can change it.


The secret to a better life is be like the sportsperson, ask yourself:


Did I recover quicker today than I did yesterday?


Did I recover quicker this time than the last occasion I faced a similar incident?


Did I allow myself to be average today?


Did I equal or improve on my personal best today?


Don't live your life in the past! Learn to live in the present, to overcome the past. Stop the past from influencing your daily life. Don't allow thoughts of the past to reduce your personal best. Stop the past from interfering with your life. Learn to recover quickly.


What we are suggesting is not an easy path. To work on your recovery rate and make changes in your thoughts, behaviour and attitudes requires a great deal of effort. However, the rewards are also great. It is important that you don't force yourself to work on your recovery rate because you think you ought to or must or because you feel it will 'make you a better person'. There's no benefit in that because you will not stick to the task. You will make a great deal of effort at the beginning but when you are not achieving the results you want you will stop or look for another technique. Only when you really feel you want to change . When you realise life is not working for you at the moment using the methods you are using will you put in the effort to change your behaviour to improve your recovery rate. You can only improve your recovery rate when you can see that there is great benefit for the self.


Once you decide you wish to improve your recovery rate, you will start to check and change your thoughts and behaviour and make effort to perform to your personal best. You can check your progress by measuring the speed in which you are able to apply a full stop. The time it takes you to let go. The time it takes before you are functioning at or near your personal best again.


Check yourself:


What was my recovery rate after the argument with my partner?

What was my recovery rate after I lost a sale?

What was my recovery rate after I received a ticket for speeding?

What was my recovery rate after I heard a friend was ill?

What was my recovery rate after I got frustrated with myself over………?


But remember; Rome wasn't built in a day. Reflect on your recovery rate each day. Every day before you go to bed, look at your progress. Don't lie in bed saying to yourself, 'I did that wrong'. 'I should have done better there'. No. Look at your day and note when you made an effort to place a full stop after an incident. This is a success. You are taking control of your life. Remember this is a step by step process. This is not a make-over. You are undertaking real change here.

Your aim: reduce the time spent in recovery.


The way forward?


Live in the present. Not in the precedent.



Graham and Julie

www.desktop-meditation.com 

READMORE - What is your Recovery Rate?

Decisions, What You Haven't Been Told About Them

Have you ever sat there trying to make a decision yet, you just couldn't.
If only I had more information, or a proverbial crystal ball, you think to yourself.
Many times when you are avoiding making a decision, it stems more from being afraid of making the wrong decision.

This has become an epidemic in many places and organization. This fear shuts down communication, 

creates more challenges and generally comes with a high price tag.
"But what if my decision cost me or the company?" are words I hear people say.
So they want to analyze everything almost to the death of the original choice.
The fear of being wrong can cripple them into never succeeding. Yet, it is ok to not get it right each time. 

It is about learning and growth, just as you did as a child, It is ok.

I have seem organizations and governments hold off on decisions until they have taken the time to hire a committee to research, analyze and bring in data, even on smaller issues. I have also seen committees come back with, that the results were inconclusive. So they shelf the idea and the opportunity has passed them by.

Now I would in no way promote people being reckless and choosing blindly, but there needs to be a time where you stand up and decide and let the chips fall where they may.

Let's look at how most successful entrepreneurs deal with decisions. They make them. And they make them as quick as possible, often without all of the information in front of them. Through experience, they have learned to trust their instincts and have learned to communicate with themselves on the issues.


How did they get the experience?

Through making decisions and learning from their mistakes. They often state that you need to "fall forward fast", learn what works and doesn't work, learn from your mistakes and move forward.

While others are waiting until everything is perfect, they are succeeding with a wealth of experience and understanding behind them.

Many successful corporations just got their product and service out there and fixed things along the way as they received the feedback from clients and customers.

There were others with similar products of a much higher quality, but they never succeeded because they waited for everything to be right, while the decision makers cornered the market.

It is important to remember that decision, create more decision. Once you decide something, it can lead you to make decisions that are more informed. It is the same principle as energy begets energy. Getting started is the hardest motion, but once you get going the momentum increases and most things get easier.

If decisions still scare you start with something small and practice, practice, practice. Don't have regrets, just learn from them and move forward. It could be as simple as what to have for breakfast. Decide quickly and if it wasn't the best decision, so what, you learned something. Another meal is soon approaching giving you more opportunities to decide. Then expand to more and more important issues, while you discover your inner power and control over your own life.
Remember, you are already on your way. After all you decided to read this. 

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Enhance Your Life By Having A Sense Of Purpose.

Researchers believe that developing A SENSE OF PURPOSE is a strategy which can ENHANCE HEALTHY LIVING.The basis for their theory comes from studies carried out on 135 women in the age group 61-91.This groups EMOTIONAL and PHYSICAL WELL BEING were evaluated by rating two types of indicators.

HAPPINESS evoked by POSITIVE experiences and A SENSE OF PURPOSEand a high SELF ESTEEM and REWARDING RELATIONSHIPS.

Results indicated that those who had A SENSE OF PURPOSE also displayed better PHYSICAL FUNCTIONING ABILITY. They had a tendency to weigh less, had a lower level of inflammatory cytokines which increase the risk of arthritis, displayed evidence of better SLEEP PATTERNS, lower blood sugar levels and HDL levels(good cholesterol) was more apparent. In the group which only displayed HAPPINESS the benefit was only that of a lowered cholesterol level.

What is A SENSE OF PURPOSE? There are many definitions.

Having an influence over others in work, in your community, within a family setting, or on a wider basis.(OXFAM, HELP THE CHILDREN, AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL.)

Being recognised and VALUED for your contribution. This also implies being VALUED by yourself!

Being RESPECTED by others.

Having A SENSE OF IDENTITY.

Recognising a sense of ACHIEVEMENT from what you do.

Having A PURPOSE helps to build CONFIDENCE and SELF ESTEEM.People who lack PURPOSE are often unhappy and lonely.
Examples of this could be the person who has retired from work. He may well have lots of time on his hands and be involved in a range of recreational activities but remain unfulfilled as there is no SENSE OF PURPOSE. Involvement in these pursuits simply helps to put in his day.

How often have you thought about what you would buy or the problems that may be solved by a lottery win? Yes, we have all dreamt about this and there is nothing wrong with having DREAMS .They can open up our minds to possibilities and sometimes lead us to pursuing GOALS and a course of ACTION in their pursuit.


Yet, how often do we hear about people who have had this stroke of luck and discoverthat their lives are not necessarily enhanced in any meaningful way by this, or are even worse of because of it. Headlines in local press have told us about the families who have broken up after winning money. People who have packed in their jobs and gone on shopping sprees and drinking binges. Men and women who long for the company of others who are not solely interested in them for what they get. The world in our eyes may be their oyster but what they may find diminished is a sense of CHALLENGE...

There is some truth in the saying that if you have to work hard for something you will appreciate it more.Sometimes the achievement itself is not the most rewarding aspect, but the process involved in its acquisition.

What provides someone with A SENSE OF PURPOSE will vary from person to person. For some it may simply be taking care of another close to them. Others may choose to travel, get involved in regular EXERCISE/HEALTHY EATING, doing college courses. The options are limitless. Which ever you choose, your commitment to this will also benefit you by keeping your MIND ACTIVE.
The chances are that he/she will also be more OPTIMISTIC and HOPEFUL as a person .Having something important to aim for encourages people to be less likely to give up when things go wrong and to look for any learning opportunity instead.
Having A SENSE OF PURPOSE tends to make people more involved in taking care of themselves. They will pay attention to their health. Involvement with other people means that they are less LONELY and that they also have other people around for support. Peers can also be useful for giving you feedback and helping you see things about yourself which may otherwise go unnoticed. 

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The Number 1 Secret of Success

Do you know what one of the key secrets of success is - what
makes people successful in business, sport or any other
aspect of their lives?
Let me come back to that in a minute.

Ever since I discovered that I wasn't invincible and that my
body would fall apart over time, I've been a member of a
gym. 
I've attended regularly over the past fifteen years and my
body deterioration is almost being kept in check.

However I've always noticed a lot of new faces at the gym,
some of which seem to disappear over a short period of time.
Most gyms and health clubs have a high turnover of members
or "churn" as the marketing people like to call it.
One club I know of loses around fifty members a month and
has to work hard to sign up that number just for the
business to stand still.

It's not that these gyms offer a poor service, on the
contrary - it's because the members - "give up."

New members join to lose weight or to get fit. They then
torture themselves on the rowing machines and all the other
instruments of agony. If, after a few weeks of sweat and
pain, they don't see any visible result - they give up. 

You're probably away ahead of me on this; because the key
secret of success that I mentioned earlier is this - NEVER
EVER GIVE UP.
This is what separates the winners from the losers in
business, in sport and in life - this is what success is all
about.

If you have a mountain to climb either literally or
figuratively and you reach an obstacle - don't give up.
Find another way round - even go back a short distance and
come at the situation from another direction.

Whatever it is you're trying to achieve, whatever success
you want - never give up! Make mistakes - fall down - get up
- fall down - but get up and try again. 

So there you have it - If you want success remember what
Winston Churchill once said - "Never - Never - Never give
up!" 

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