Kamis, 10 Februari 2011

Benjamin Franklin's method of habit formation

Benjamin Franklin, inventor, statesman, writer, publisher and economist relates in his autobiography that early in his life he decided to focus on arriving at moral perfection. He made a list of 13 virtues, assigning a page to each. Under each virtue he wrote a summary that gave it fuller meaning. Then he practiced each one for a certain length of time. 

To make these virtues a habit, Franklin can up with a method to grade himself on his daily actions. In a journal he drew a table with a row for every virtue and a column for every day of the week. Every time he made a fault, he made a mark in the appropriate column. Each week he focused his attention on a different virtue. Over time, through repetition, he hoped to one day experience the pleasure of "viewing a clean Book." 

He says that he carried out this personal examination for years. In order to do the work thoroughly he decided to attempt each virtue and a quarter of its importance - one at a time. He began with temperance, which included the moderating of every pleasure or inclination to develop undesirable habits, because temperance "tends to procure that coolness and clearance and head that is so necessary where constant vigilance is to be kept up and guard maintained against the unremitting attraction of ancient habits and the force of perpetual temptations."

The other virtues practice in succession by Franklin were silence, order, resolution, frugality, industry, sincerity, Justice, moderation, cleanliness, tranquility, chastity and humility. For the summary order he followed a little scheme of employing his time each day. From five to seven each morning he spent in bodily personal attention, saying a short prayer, thinking over the day's business and resolutions, studying and eatingbreakfast. From eight till twelve he worked at his trade. From twelve to one he read or overlooked his accounts and dined. From two to five he worked at his trade. The rest of the evening until 10 he spent in music, or diversion of some sort.

This time is used also to put things in their places. In the last thing before retiring was examination of the day. At the age of 79, he ascribed his health to temperance; the acquisition of misfortune to industry and frugality; the confidence of his country to sincerity and justice.

Franklin's extraordinary success in life and politics can be attributed to his perseverance to overcome his personal liabilities, and his desire to constantly become better.

Next time you really want to achieve something, take time to focus on your own personal journal. What is your temptation that is standing in your way to greatness? What can you do to form the habit of becoming a success? 
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Love : Tips On How To Cope When A Relationship Ends

I am sure that we have all been through the nightmare of been dumped by our boyfriend or girlfriend. At times it is something that we were expecting, however more often than not it comes as a big shock. In this situation it is very hard to take, and in this article I give free tips on how to cope in this situation.

I have had a number of girlfriends, most of whom have decided to end the relationship. As a teenager even though it wounded my pride, I have to say that it did not really bother me. I at thatstage had never met anyone who really lets say, did it for me. In fact most of these girls/women were quite annoying. They were either:

Too clingy and wanted to see me everyday, wanted me to call them seemingly every hour and became upset when I wanted to see my friends.

A crier, what I mean by that is that they would cry over the smallest things and were basically too emotional.

The jealous type. I am not one to cheat, however these type of girls would always be accusing me of seeing or fancying somebody else.

Untrustworthy. These are girls who I just knew were only interested in playing the field and who were basically only worth dating for a bit of fun.

I then met when I was around twenty-one a girl who seemed too good to be true. She was none of the above and we got on so well it was scary. 

All of my life, I had had a dream to live by the coast as I love the sea. I was from a big city and was not particularly happy living in this fast pace of life. I yearned for a quite and tranquil existence.

After around two years of being with this new girlfriend, we decided that we would live together and that we would make my dream move. I was very happy and we moved to the southwest coast of England to the county of Devon.

I was very happy in my new home but my girlfriend soon became homesick. She missed her friends, parents and the family pets. We were now seeing each other basically all day everyday, where we had only spent around four nights a week together when we had lived in the city. We did not know anyone who lived in Devon and things began to become strained. 

My girlfriend was now becoming quite moody and often stated that she wanted to move back. I certainly did not want to and hoped that she would soon grow to love Devon, as I did, and that she would meet new friends. I was still very happy to live with her and felt sure that it was just teething pains.

One day I arrived back at the bungalow where we lived, after doing some food shopping. I opened the door which to my surprise had been locked. Her car was not there and I wondered where she may have gone to. As I entered the living room, to my horror I found that many things were no longer there. Pictures I had purchased, the dvd player, the stereo and many ornaments had been taken. I looked around the rest of the bungalow and found many other items also missing.

It suddenly dawned on me that she had left me, and also taken as you have read a lot of stuff. I did not care about any of the items but was gutted that she had obviously dumped me. I was sat on a chair and could not stop crying.

I then decided to phone her but half way through dialing the number I stopped myself. I sat down and thought about what I may have done wrong. I could not think of anything major, I had not hit her, I had not cheated on her, the only thing I could think of is that I had not agreed to move back to the city with her.

I decided not to call her and started to think about all of the things I disliked about her, for example her mood swings. There were to be no more tears and instead I was going to celebrate being single by drinking a few beers and by ordering a pizza. She hated me drinking beer, but now I could.

I thought in a positive way about the future and was determined to stick it out in Devon. I will meet somebody else I thought to myself.

It was not easy to think in this way and I did miss her, I had after all dated her for a long time. She did not seem to miss me however as she did not phone me once to see how I was. This made me angry and actually made me think that I could probably do better. How would she have reacted if I had done something wrong, if this is how she is going to react when I haven't, I thought to myself. I would have at least thought she could have given me an ultimatem, for example I will leave you if you do not move back with me. Problem is what would I have done then.

As luck has it, I actually met my present fiancee the day after this all happened. We now have a child together and I could not be happier.

In conclusion, always think in a positive way, if you have done in your own mind nothing wrong, there is nothing to worry about. The person who has dumped you is probably not worth it anyway as the whole ethos of a proper relationship, is about support and about sticking together through the good times and the bad. If they are going to walk at the first sign of trouble they are probably not the person you thought they were. 
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Love : Improve Your Relationships By Loving Yourself

Many of us, especially women, tend to put others' needs before our own. We neglect ourselves and eventually resent those who have been on the receiving end of our love and attention. What we fail to realize is the importance of putting ourselves first. No, it is not selfish. In fact, it's impossible to meet the needs of others effectively without first being balanced in our own lives. Loving yourself will not only prove to be a positive experience, but it will improve your relationships with others as well.

If we go through our days neglecting our basic needs, we will become very quickly drained of our energy, too exhausted to spend any time on ourselves. When we realize that our own needs are not being met, we become resentful and ultimately withdraw the help and support we so freely offered to others before. However, by focusing on putting ourselves first, we can regain that lost energy, which will give us endless vitality to direct toward others.

Loving and taking better care of yourself is easy if you implement one or more of the simple helpful tips and ideas listed here. When we are happy with the level of attention we are giving ourselves, our energy overflows and we are anxious to help fulfill the needs of those around us. Everyone wins when we learn to love ourselves. Use the following tips to get you started:

Live a healthy lifestyle – How can we expect to accomplish great things if we cannot meet life's most basic needs? Eat healthy by replacing excess sugar and refined foods with whole foods and lots of water. Give your body the ability to effectively burn the fuel you take in by getting daily exercise, thereby increasing your metabolism. Make sure to get plenty of sleep as well, as our minds do not fully function if they haven't been allowed to properly recharge themselves.

Express yourself – One of the best ways to take care of ourselves mentally is by frequently expressing how we feel. This can be done in several ways. Mentally, we can express ourselves on paper. Keeping a personal journal in which you can vent when needed will help keep emotions in check. Creative expression is important too, such as allowing yourself to feel and experience the wide range of emotions in a rented movie, or by working on a hobby that's close to your heart. Photography and other visual arts are good for this. Remember, expressing ourselves creatively is as important as doing so mentally.

Spend some time alone – In order to appreciate ourselves more, we should get to know ourselves better. Some of you may think this will have the reverse effect, but think positively! You would be surprised what becoming introspective will reveal. Discover yourself and learn to love it. Go for a scenic drive. Take a long bath. Surround yourself with music or just quietly meditate. Not only will you appreciate your own company more, but the relaxation will do wonders for your state of mind. Your relationships are sure to improve if others sense your renewed energy and love of life.

Pamper yourself - Finally, take the time to treat yourself to something rewarding. Get a massage, a manicure, or tickets to your favorite sporting event. Show yourself you care about your own happiness by creating more of it in your life. By allowing yourself to enjoy the spotlight now and again, you'll realize the goodness others feel when you are able to help them. 
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In search of Confidence

What is the big deal with confidence. Why do some people have so much and others are struggling just to get their name out wondering why they missed out or something. Well we're all living in this box, and until we realize that we're not and then here we are... "obstacles are the things we see when we take our eyes off our goals"

Is it possible to teach confidence? Well, yes. Anything is possible!

Take drinking for example. Drinking is of course a way of releaving stress but really in turn most of the time creates more...much more...? who would tend to agreee with me? Like you had a long week or exams or life just isn't getting you places or your life is too hard and seems like there is no way out or how about Asia. Everybody is just so damn busy and has no time for families or friends so when they do get the chance they want to drink it away. Then once the drinking begins. The talk starts of changing lives and big hopes and money and next minute. Heads are huge if they weren't already before.

Guess what you wake up no closer to your dreams but have a nasty head ache and are probaby tired or else have wasted half of your day sleeping!Confidence you gain when your drinking isn't really yours. If you get layed or get a hot date well don't thank yourself but rather the poison sitting next to you or in your stomach. When the poison wears off you are still the same chicken that you were the night before. How long will this go on for?

So if you don't get your confidence from drinking where does it come from then? well 1st of all lets clear our heads and think straight here. hope you didn't drink last night! Well everybody has to discover their own confidence and some people may discover theirs quicker and some people may never quite find all of it. well just listen to your heart and block out the stuff that isn't bringing you in the right direction

I've grown up with my fair shair of love but know people who haven't and all I can say is that I belive in you even if you don't yet! Have you seen the "Conte of Monte Cristo"? Well God belives in you as well even if you don't believe or have faith in him! Change can be hard but the hardest thing I thing would be too look back on a life of regret or chances that we didn't take:

"The only real regrets we'll have when its all said and done is the chances that we didn't take"

"We'll never truly know what were capable of until we go to far" or "dreams are the limits of our success"

Never give up. It's never to late for anything!!! 
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